Dream

I had a dream last night, and after the week I've had, it just made sense.  I was at my friend Jordon's house playing video games like I had many times before.  Suddenly, there was a mountain lion in the living room.  Not an ideal situation.  I rushed outside and was standing on a car waiting for the cougar.  The key to scaring mountain lions is to appear really big.  This is a real thing, but what I did in my dream is not.  I decided that no sane mountain lion would want to fight a naked guy, because, well, who would?  I saw the cougar come out the front door of the house towards me.  I threw my arms up and shouted to try to frighten the beast away.  It didn't work.  The cougar pounced on me.  I started fighting and wound up ripping its throat out, MacGruber style.  The cougar had killed a dog, I was naked, I was clawed up, but there was suddenly a puppy on the front seat of the car.

Give Me a Job!

On Tuesday, I will begin my final semester at Boise State.  While it's awesome that I'm finally finishing, that means that it's time to start looking for a real job.  Without further ado, here are two reasons you may not have considered as to why you should hire me instead of some other fool.

• Food - I ride my bike a lot.  A lot.  I burn a lot of calories and my metabolism is usually fired up.  You might be wondering why this is a reason to hire me.  Here it is: I will always have food at my desk.  Bonus: it's not typically going to be boring granola bars and Triscuits.  It will be inventions of mine such as the Fluffernana:

I'm an innovator

• I'll let you touch my hair whenever you want - It's like having a pet sheep who's also proficient with Microsoft Word and Excel!  If you turn the break room into a bike repair studio, you can cut it, spin it into wool, and win every ugly sweater contest at every holiday party ever.

Employers, good luck finding this on anybody else's resume.