I went to Moscow this weekend. I did the following:
Raced cyclocross bikes
Ate gyros
Watched Star Wars
Raced cyclocross bikes again
The combination of these items has led me to one conclusion: I need to step up my training if I'm going to join the ranks of the Jedi Knights. Eating gyros really has nothing to do with Star Wars, but they were pretty awesome. The rest of the trip has me wanting to get my midi-chlorian count checked. Here's how it went down:
The first race was out at the Fountain's Ranch. By ranch, I mean there's a dude that lives in a shed in the middle of a cross course/gravel airstrip. By dude, I mean a one-geared freak of nature. The Fountain Brothers both ride SS cross bikes, and ride them significantly faster than everybody else. They also occasionally show up at road races and are still faster than everybody, on a single speed cross bike. Consider them Han Solo and Chewbacca (I have no idea which brother would be Chewy and which one Han in this analogy). The Millenium Falcon may not look like much without a derailleur, but they were definitely doing the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs. This course was almost all dirt and rode like a short track mountain bike course. It had a nice little pump track section, a bunch of flowy lines, some stairs, and a bunch of general coolness. We started the race, and I figured out pretty quickly that most of the people there were faster than me on this course. The Force was not with me. However, my generally good shape made me very annoying to the people that got stuck behind me. I would be slow and sketchy through the technical parts, then go flying down the sections where they could actually pass me. For a viewing of how the course should actually be done, check out my teammate Nick Bell (2nd Place) working on his Jedi Jump. Also flashing some Jedi Jumping skills was the collegiate winner, Brian Morra, in UI's school paper:
In conclusion, I got lapped by the crew of the Millennium Falcon and didn't do anything remotely Star Wars-y in the process. On the plus side, an excellent picture of my junk emerged out of the race:
In the photographer's defense, my skinsuit points straight at them.
After the race, I got some Mikey's Gyros in my belly, then went and watched The Phantom Menace at Morra's. I'm pretty sure I could podrace after watching it. I may have picked up some skills from watching that, or Sunday's course may have just been way better for my crit-racing-idiot skill-set. Whatever it was, I did a lot better the second day. I finished 2nd in the collegiate race behind Morra once again. I nearly won this time though. It wasn't because of my capabilities or even Morra falling apart at the end. It was close purely because Brian pinch flatted with about 1/4 of a lap to go, but was far enough ahead that he could run the rest of the course and still finish about 30 yards ahead of me.
The Force is strong in this one
And this is why I went for a night ride yesterday and turned off my light from time to time. It's like the part where Luke is blindfolded and fighting the floating ball with the lightsaber. Soon I will be able to shoot a laser beam into the hole in the side of the Death Star.
Thanks to Idaho Vandal Cycling for showing me a good time this weekend, and thanks to Wookieepedia for helping me spell all these words.
I gave my bike back this week. That was pretty lame. Arnold will be missed until I get another brand new beast in the spring. There has been some definite non-lameness recently though.
Unlame Activity #1: Harvest Moon
I wanted to get one last race in on the Fuji before I had to give it back. So I ventured south to Ogden, UT for the Harvest Moon Criterium. This was my first real race since upgrading to a Cat. 2 and in a couple months in general, so I was curious how my form was. Other than a few chases early, I was pleasantly surprised. I put my momentum from the back of the pack to good use early and got off the front for a couple laps, got caught, tried again, did another lap and a half solo, then got caught again. This apparently caught the attention of FFKR and Canyon Cycles, the two big teams at the race. From that point on, every time I attacked, 3-5 of those dudes would be on my wheel, prompting the rest of the pack to chase us all down. I was going to have to do something big to actually get away. So I attacked on five or six straight laps towards the end. Nothing happened. I cruised in with the pack for 15th place. For being my first race with the big kids, I was pretty happy with the effort.
Unlame Activity #2: Downtown SLC
It's a little more walking than in Boise, but there's a good amount of quality bars in Salt Lake. On a related note, I sat on top of an ice box and ate a Slim Jim outside a Maverick station.
Unlame Activity #3: Riding in SLC
The day after the race and other activities, we went for a good little hangover ride. We were staying with Chris Stuart and his fiance, Ami. Chris was one of the guys that helped me get into bike racing. It was cool to see those guys again, and cool that I could hang with Stu now that I have been racing all year and he's been on his couch all year. We went up Emigration Canyon and started up Big Mountain until we decided that it was too big to handle in our conditions. The ride was super scenic and not Idaho sagebrush.
Unlame Activity #4: Cyclocross
Like I said, I gave my bike away on Friday. You might think that would mean no more bike racing for Brian this year, but you'd be wrong. I'm done road racing for a while, but this weekend was the opening weekend for the local CX series. For those of you not in the know, cross is the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups of the cycling world.
"Hey, you got knobby tires on my road bike!"
"Hey, you got drop bars on my mountain bike!"
It really is an odd activity. We ride on grass, dirt, sand, mud, asphalt and whatever else the promoters decide to throw at us. They put tape up so we end up weaving through a really small area, then they put barricades up so that we either have to get off and run with our bikes or bunny-hop them. It is a sport that could only be invented by drunken Belgians. If this still doesn't make sense (it shouldn't), watch Chris's video for a visual aid:
The craziness of it all makes for some excellent spectating. Since we weave around like rats in a maze, you can find a central location and see most of the race. All of my readers should get out and watch some cross. I'm talking to both of you (hi, Mom!). Grab yourself a cowbell, a 6-pack, and a costume. Fans are expected to heckle and hand beers to riders. You'll probably get to see something like this:
That man is talking to somebody in China
And with a little luck, this:
So I got myself a cross bike, and threw down some racing this weekend. I got called up as a first timer to SICX, since my only previous cross racing experience has been on Chris's converted touring bike (aptly named "The Brick") or that time I got my foot stuck in the front wheel of my mountain bike. I am a noob at cross, but I'm in good shape. Since it's tough to pass people and everybody spreads out quickly, your finish position +/-3 is determined by the first corner. It was chaos for the first 30 seconds of the race. I nearly got pushed into a tree. After the opening sprint, things don't get any easier. You go really hard all the time, and try to stay upright. Saturday's course only featured one barricade as opposed to the usual two, so I only had to get off the bike once and that was purely out of fear of bunny hopping into people. After 40 minutes, I thought to myself "Self, I've never been this tired in my life!" Instead off taking a nap in the grass, I rode for another 20 minutes. At one point, I took a feed from Kai of what I assumed was Red Bull or some sort of golden, foamy sports drink in a bike bottle. After slugging that down I realized it was a beer, at which point I learned is only delicious when you're expecting it. Moral of the story: handups are out of original cans or bottles. So I hurt and drank, and I think finished 4th in the 3s. I really have no idea though.
I may have engaged in some extracurricular activities Saturday night, which seems to have affected my performance on Sunday. They also got the 2nd barricade out, forcing me to dismount and remount my bike every lap. While I have no idea what I'm doing as far as technique is concerned, I'm relatively athletic compared to most cyclists, so I cleared the boards pretty quickly. I think I sweated the last PBR out at around 45 minutes in, and found a rhythm. By then I was way back and had been lapped by Richard Feldman, multiple Masters TT World Champ, cyclocross beast, and the subject of a suspiciously well maintained Wikipedia page (thank you to Sam Johnson/Krogg for pointing that out). I may have a new game for the rest of the season called "Don't Get Lapped By Feldman."
Now you all know why the last couple of weeks have not sucked. Next up, actually learn some technique, go to Moscow, throw down with those kids.
